Entry #9 - the mistakes you have made don’t define you

Diaries Of A Father

“The answers you’re looking for are in the silence you’re avoiding”

- Chris Williamson

Sometimes I sit with myself in contempt — replaying distant moments in my life I wish I could take back.

At this moment, I’m sitting in a tire shop waiting for my tires to be changed and have no cellular service. No scrolling, no emails to answer, no artificial urgency to hide behind. When you are alone without distraction, these are the moments your introspective thoughts have a chance to breathe and rise to the surface — and these are mine:

The words I shouldn’t have said.

The moments I mishandled.

The ego I mistakenly led with.

The impatience that clouded my actions.

The ignorance that fuelled my decisions.

I think about the younger version of me, and I judge him. I place him on trial in my own mind. Then I remind myself of something that carries both responsibility and grace:

Your brain was still developing.

Your emotional regulation was immature.

Your perspective was narrow.

You were operating with limited data, but that doesn’t absolve you either. Ultimately, you are responsible for the decisions you made. However, those poor decisions did play an important role — they were feedback. They were neurological tuition, how your brain learned what not to repeat.

And here’s what I’m realizing as a father:

If I expect my son to learn from his mistakes, I must allow him the space to make his own, within reason.

I can teach him to be well-mannered. I cannot control how he sees others behaving and using it as a compass.

I can teach him that life won’t always go his way. I cannot hand him the resilience required when life decides to break his heart.

I can teach him to trust his instincts when something feels wrong. I cannot stop him from miscalculating and allowing others to convince him that bad ideas come wrapped in pleasure.

I can teach him to reflect on his decisions. I cannot remove the consequences that shape his character.

Experience is a ruthless but an effective teacher, and sitting back as a parent now seems like it will be a truly nail biting experience when I think about my life and the battles I endured. That truth humbles me as well as guides me in finding empathy.

The mistakes you’ve made don’t define you, your response to them does. If you hold onto that regret, just know it’s only useful if it produces refinement. Otherwise, it’s just self-punishment disguised as reflection.

You are not who you were at 15.

You are not who you were at 25.

You are not even who you were last year.

Growth requires acknowledging of the past without living inside it. The person you are becoming is built from the person you were, not in spite of them, but because of them.

And that realization carries something powerful:

Compassion without complacency.

Ownership without shame.

Discipline without self-hatred.

We don’t erase our mistakes. But if navigated correctly, we metabolize them.

- Written by Mike Brion