Entry #7 — The Potential We See in Others Isn’t Real

Diaries of a Father

“The potential you see in others isn’t real. It’s a projection of what you would do if you were in their position.”

— Nicole Vignola, MSc

If you’re reading this and you’ve been a repeat offender following my work, I can only assume something resonates with you.  You’re likely a very Type A person.

Let me explain.

Type A Person:  A highly driven, competitive, and time-urgent personality characterized by ambition, structure, and a strong need for control and achievement.

Type B Person: A relaxed, patient, and easygoing personality characterized by flexibility, lower stress reactivity, and a focus on enjoyment rather than competition.

You probably see a bit of yourself in both, since you’re not a robot. However, most of us lean more heavily toward one side.

As Type A people, we tend to hold ourselves to brutally high standards.  We often project these standards unfairly onto others.

To understand why, we need to understand why we place such heavy expectations on ourselves.

Perhaps you’re an insecure overachiever, driven by a fear of being “less.” This fear fuels your discipline, productivity, and relentless drive. You wear your sense of urgency like a badge of honour, taking pride in control.

But life doesn’t always cooperate.

Despite our competence and best efforts, things sometimes slip beyond our control.  When this happens, especially when we see others navigate challenges differently, it tests us.

This is where frustration turns into judgment.

We expect others to move with our urgency, care as deeply, think as critically, and act decisively.  However, they’re not you.

Their brains don’t work like yours, they haven’t lived your life, and they haven’t accumulated your experiences, lessons, or internal pressures.

They operate from an entirely different internal world.

The potential you see in them isn’t theirs; it’s yours, projected outward.

Your perception is only your reality, not theirs.

Judging others by your own standards guarantees resentment. Living in that mindset for too long can shrink your world, leaving you focused solely on yourself and missing the beauty in others’ perspectives, actions and ideas.

Learning to respect that difference, is a discipline in itself.

- Written by Mike Brion