Entry #5 – The Alchemy of Perspective: A Discipline That Will Save You
Diaries of a Father
“The more someone complains, the less accurate their perspective of the world becomes.”
- Dr. Rangan Chatterjee
As parents, we have a responsibility to shape our children’s thinking. We should guide them toward optimism and confidence, rather than allowing negativity and self-doubt to take hold. This means teaching them how to face conflict in their own lives and meet it with a positive perspective. When done well, this builds resilience and opens the door to opportunities, rather than a life dominated by obstacles that gradually become overwhelming.
We can’t shield them from every challenge life presents. However, we can lead by example. By showing them how we handle conflict and how even difficult moments can teach valuable lessons, we empower them to develop resilience. As the Stoics would say, “The world isn’t happening to us, its happening for us.” Learning to see this clearly is a valuable discipline to pass on.
The ability to alchemize perspective doesn’t magically appear during a crisis. It’s a skill that develops over time. It’s an ongoing process of wrestling with, negotiating with, and eventually learning to work alongside.
With practice, perspective becomes a honed skill. We can sharpen it and return to it whenever life pushes, pulls, or tests us. Cultivated properly, it alleviates the weight of worry—the anxieties, uncertainties, and things beyond our control.
This isn’t about pretending to be worry-free. Forced positivity, the belief that good vibes alone will carry us through, is just as damaging as constant negativity. One blinds us, while the other corrodes us.
Both extremes are dangerous. Excessive positivity can lead to delusion, while constant negativity can be reckless.
Understanding the importance of balance—learning how to shift perspective amidst life’s inconveniences and setbacks—has become one of my quiet superpowers. It all stems from a commitment to accountability.
When life is going well—when you’re hitting your goals and things are falling into place—you have no problem taking full credit. You pat yourself on the back and own the win.
However, in moments of friction or failure, we tend to deflect that same accountability elsewhere. Looking inward is harder than deflecting outward, and no one wants to be the problem. When this becomes a pattern, avoiding accountability transforms into a delusion—one that distorts your perception of reality and traps you in a cycle of negativity. In my opinion, which you’re free to dismiss, it’s a form of self-deceptive lying—a system built to protect the ego.
Shitty things keep happening to me, and instead of asking why, the answer becomes, “woe is me.”
Growing up, my mother used to say, “There’s no such thing as accidents—only carelessness.” I’ve carried that lesson into adulthood. Without taking it out of context, when you start recognizing how many of life’s inconveniences stem from your own careless actions, it softens the belief that the world is constantly happening to you.
And with that realization, perspective shifts. The weight lifts, and responsibility returns to where it belongs.
All of this might sound psychologically masochistic, but it’s far easier to blame external forces than to look inward. Blame feels good in the moment, and carrying resentment toward the world is easier than carrying responsibility for yourself.
For example, if you got into a fender bender because the car in front of you slammed on their brakes, you should have been paying closer attention and keeping your distance.
Similarly, if you lost your job, remember that people who consistently do well at work don’t usually lose their jobs. Employment is a privilege, not a right. Do better.
Your relationship is unraveling. Perhaps it feels like betrayal, maybe you stopped showing up or stopped listening. If it’s unrepairable, move on and do better next time. You either chose the wrong person or became careless with the right one.
Your laptop was stolen from your car while it sat on the street. Shame on you for assuming it would be safe. The world is full of people from all walks of life, and you shouldn’t assume passersby share the same values or integrity.
These examples are largely controllable. Finding accountability and adjusting your perspective is often negotiable.
But what about the moments that hit harder, especially when all of the above all happen over a short span of time? Imagine the car accident caused a serious injury, followed by recovery, job loss, and put strain on your relationship.
It’s easy to say, “It could be worse,” but where’s the lesson in that?
These moments are still moments, not your forever. What feels overwhelming now will pass. Humans are built to endure, adapt, and overcome. You’re not alone. Countless people before you have survived similar—or far worse circumstances.
So you still have a choice.
Stay bitter.
Or stay accountable.
Stay stagnant.
Or do better.
Perspective determines which path you take, and complaining distorts it every time. If we want our children to navigate life with clarity rather than resentment, we must model that perspective is a discipline, not just a feeling.
- Written by Mike Brion
